


The Promise of Spring

by ym4yum1



Series: Too busy... thinking about you... [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Comics), Marvel (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Missing Scene, Post Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron, Romance, romanogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-21 17:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1558976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ym4yum1/pseuds/ym4yum1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"A Russian woman is always ruled by her heart. Even one who hides her heart beneath a sheath of ice." (Marvel <em>"The Coldest War"</em>)</p><p><strong>Spoilers</strong> of <em>Captain America: The Winter Soldier</em> (2014). What happened with Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff, after the final scene at the cemetery? </p><p><strong>Disclaimers</strong>: All rights to Marvel. Characters, images, lines & context from Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), Animation, TV series, Cartoons & Comics.</p><p><strong>Update</strong>: May, 2016 - Including images that inspired me! Pages customized for PDF download. Please, leave your comment! xoxo Mari</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Promise of Spring

**Author's Note:**

> Published: May, 2014 - Since _Captain America: The Winter Soldier_ premiered, I've been going to the theaters, watching it again and again. I can't get enough! I had to write my view about what was between the lines! I fell in love with Steve and Natasha together, especially after their interviews at Comic-Con 2013. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Update: May, 2016 - Fixing Images for PDF format.


	2. The Running Man

When reality finally hit him, Sam Wilson was left dumbfounded. It was hard to believe how the world had changed around him in a matter of days. He had gone from being a retired paratrooper working down at the Veterans Affairs Center to being nothing less than Captain America's partner.

The bond he had established with the living legend was unbelievable.

It turned out that the real Steve Rogers was much more impressive than any stories about him and, still, the most noble and humble man Sam had ever met in his whole life. The Captain's heartfelt words had inspired the Falcon and everyone around them.

" _The price of freedom is high. It always has been. And it's a price I'm willing to pay_."

Teaming up with the Russian super spy Black Widow, they had defeated the legendary criminal organization HYDRA, which had infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D., the American counterterrorism and intelligence agency.

If this hadn't been astounding enough, now standing in front of his fake grave, Nick Fury, its former director, was inviting them to hunt the remaining bad guys in Europe. But, as the Falcon had declared before, his loyalty was to the Captain.

The three men shook hands, and Fury said with his farewell, "If anybody asks for me, tell them they can find me, right here."

Then, a familiar feminine voice called their attention.

"You should be honored. That's about as close as he gets to saying thank you."

Steve moved instantly and, like when they had first met, Sam was left behind.

Amused, the Falcon observed how the Captain seemed slightly possessive, walking towards Natasha Romanoff almost as if he wanted to keep her to himself.

A gentle spring breeze blew the leaves and branches of leafy trees around them, but it was as if all sounds and movements had ceased – Steve had eyes only for Natasha. Yet, as he had been doing for the past two years, he kept his emotions in absolute control as he walked to meet her halfway.

"Not going with him?" he asked calmly.

From watching her closely before, he knew that there was definitely something different about her, a touch of uneasiness mixed with her usual confidence. 

Beneath her smiling eyes, she sounded almost ashamed, "No."

Despite the softness on her face, there was a sense of detachment between them and he almost couldn't hide his disappointment, "Not staying here."

"Nah. I blew all my covers. I gotta go figure out a new one."

A strange feeling ran through his body – he was concerned about her safety, as always, but also troubled about how much time it would take to see her again. Instinctively, his irrational need to protect her became stronger than the logical conviction that she could defend herself from any threat.

Frowning, he sounded quite impassive, "That might take a while."

Unlike each other in so many aspects, the soldier and the spy reacted differently in dealing with their feelings. Facing each other pretending everything was just fine, he was stiff, laconic, while she seemed almost as if everything was just for fun.

Staring at him with a half-smile, Natasha said, "I'm counting on it." Then, she handed him a Russian file, "That thing you asked for, I called in a few favors from Kiev."

Steve took a deep breath. Bucky's file – what he did and didn't want to see with the same intensity. His troubled soul was about to be dragged through an ocean of guilt and worry, when her soft voice brought him back.

"Will you do me a favor? Call that nurse," she asked kindly.

Since they had been partnered together, this had been part of their game – she would try to set him up with someone, and he would pretend to like her help. 

"She's not a nurse," he said.

Smiling, the redhead replied, "And you're not a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent."

The reality was that he took all her matchmaking as a demonstration of some kind of affection for him.

Trying to look interested, he asked, "What was her name again?"

"Sharon." Natasha paused, averting her eyes, and Steve couldn't help but notice a slight tremor in her voice as she continued, "She's nice."

Thousands of things were passing through his mind, but he couldn't utter a word. He did his best to smile back at her, but became apprehensive, noticing that her eyes were somewhat moistened.

In the field, he was the consummate leader. Everywhere else, she was the one holding all the cards. He had no idea about what to do, and waited, motionless, for her lead.

They stared at each other for a brief moment and then she leaned in to kiss his cheek.

The bitter-sweetness of that act hit him hard – it was a goodbye kiss.

His heart was sinking to his feet, as she walked away.

But then she stopped, saying, "Be careful, Steve."

When she turned back, the delicate sun rays seeping through the leaves of the trees lit her, revealing her entirely unmasked face – she was stunning. This time wasn't just a moment of weakness. There she was, willingly open, showing herself to him. The real Natasha she fought so hard to conceal inside her, but whose fire in the heart had captured his interest and invaded his dreams…

The one he hoped… desperately dreamed would care for him… someday.

Seemingly unaware of his feelings, she motioned to the file, warning, "You might not want to pull on that thread."

Then, as quickly as she came, she left without looking back.

Concern, guilt and many other feelings were coursing through him as he lowered his head and opened the Russian file. Loss. A deep loss was the strongest feeling which overwhelmed him. Steve had lost Bucky once and, at that moment, it felt like he was losing Natasha too.

The Falcon came close, and glanced at the file, saying, "You're going after him."

Despite everything, Steve needed to save the man that had once been like a brother to him. "You don't have to come with me," he spoke full of sorrow, looking at the information on how James Barnes had become The Winter Soldier.

Having lost a partner himself, Sam understood the pain, and replied, "I know. When do we start?"

The Captain paused for a moment, as if he wasn't sure about how to begin.

"Aren't you gonna ask your lady for help?" the Falcon questioned, "She's Russian, right?"

It was the obvious course of action, and above all, it was what Steve secretly wanted to do. "My lady? Natasha? No, no, she's not… We're just… We're partners." He was taken by surprise by how much it hurt him to say that out loud.

Ever since Sam had seen the soldier and the spy together for the first time, he had suspected that their connection was deeper and more intimate than they had shown in public. Curious, he inquired, "Why?" Looking at the redhead walking far away, he raised his thumbs together, making the touchdown sign, and teased, "Man, I wouldn't think twice…"

Immediately, the Captain stepped around in front of the Falcon, blocking his view, "Hey!"

Realizing that maybe he had gone too far, Sam chuckled, "Sorry, Cap, it was a bad joke."

Uneasy with his impulsive and territorial reaction, the soldier shook his head, upset.

Sensing the tension, the Falcon tried to make amends. "And I'm sorry for interrupting you two, that day, you know, back at my place."

That had been a very special moment. The soldier remembered how vulnerable and real she had been, with the same unmasked eyes she had showed him today – absolutely beautiful. He had wanted to hold and comfort her so badly… but he did nothing. As it had always happened before whenever he had been in front of Natasha, Steve shied away… and the moment… passed.

"Sam, you have nothing to apologize for," the Captain replied and, after pausing for a moment, added melancholically, "You didn't interrupt anything."

"She's amazing, Cap. What's the problem?"

"Yeah. She is. But we're just friends," Steve added quite embarrassed, "She was actually trying to find me a date."

"Do _you_ need any help?" The Falcon couldn't sound more incredulous.

This time, the soldier smiled. "No, it's not that. I mean… she's not interested."

Remembering their talk at the VA, Sam insisted, "Aren't you?"

 _Yes_. The thought hit Steve's heart harder than a punch from Bucky's metal arm. Even so, he gave the standard answer, "We're partners. It wouldn't be appropriate."

"There's no more S.H.I.E.L.D., Cap. What are you waiting for?"

Another sad realization hit the Captain – her world had collapsed too, like it was for him. He took a deep breath, "I have a job to do. She has her own search, and she's not…"

"You think she's not interested because she's trying to set you up with other women?" the Falcon raised his eyebrows, "21st century dating tip: women are masters at the art of misdirection. They say _no_ when they mean _yes_."

Confused, Steve was also hopeful. Natasha wasn't like any other woman he had met in his entire life.

He chuckled, "That was true also back in my day, but I'm not so sure about now. The women I've met so far have been pretty straightforward. They're not afraid to say what they want."

"What do you expect? You're Captain America. Everybody fancies the superhero."

 _But not her_. The soldier looked down pensively. "Natasha isn't like that."

That was one of the things that had attracted him to her in the first place – she always saw the man behind the mask.

"Don't you like her?" Sam's question hit the main point.

 _Since the very beginning_.

The Captain couldn't answer or face his newest partner. He wouldn't lie, but these issues were too personal for him to talk to anyone about, especially since he hadn't even admitted them to himself yet.

The signs of psychological denial were unmistakable and Sam needed to help his troubled friend. Patting Steve's shoulder, he reassured, "When it matters, everybody hides, afraid to get hurt."

Thinking about when they first fought together, the soldier remembered how fearless she had been.

"You don't know her, Sam. The Black Widow isn't afraid of anything."

"I don't doubt you, Cap. I'm just saying that you didn't see her looking for you after the battle, or waiting at the hospital when they were operating on you." Serious, the Falcon continued, "You were in pretty bad shape, man. We were all worried about you… and so was she." 

Once again, the Falcon offered nothing but his camaraderie and friendship. "With all due respect, man, I think she's not the kind of woman you find everywhere. She's the kind you don't let escape."

The Captain paused.

After fighting Bucky and falling from the Helicarrier, he really didn't remember much. Memories of the emotional Natasha at the hospital after Fury's accident came to his mind… along with her teary green eyes…

Still… _I don't know if I can do that_.

The smile on Sam's face was full of compassion, "She cares about you, man, for real."

Steve was totally lost. He knew that Natasha was far from the cold person the Black Widow was supposed to be, but to let himself believe in these words… it was too terrifying.

As he remembered their kiss – it had been a total disaster… He couldn't fool himself – she didn't care… at all. It had been just a disguise. Still, he could've done something, anything! But no, he had blown the chance he had awaited for so long…

The look on her face had been one of total disappointment… " _You still uncomfortable_?"

" _That's not exactly the word I would use_." He couldn't help it, he had felt like a complete idiot.

Right on target, the Falcon pondered, "Brother, we all have the same problems. And we feel guilt and regret for the things we didn't do."

Rubbing the back of his neck, Steve answered, uncertain, "The timing couldn't possibly be worse…"

"You know, I just figured out something about you. You stink at problems you can't solve with your fists." The Falcon looked a bit concerned, "Steve… Do you have feelings for her?"

Like everybody else, in matters of the heart, the superhero was just human. Frustrated, he drew a sharp breath, but didn't say anything.

In a last attempt, Sam pushed, "You'd better go chase her, running man."

Captain America froze completely. That was everything Steve Rogers wanted to do… but…

Could the little guy from Brooklyn cross that one line?


	3. Who Do You Want Me To Be?

Natasha's official excuse to be there was to give the Winter Soldier's file to Steve. But when they smiled to each other with the complicity of old friends, she couldn't resist – pulling him to her slowly, she gave him a tender kiss on the cheek.

Then… he gazed down at her face, intensely, with his deep blue eyes…

That was all it took – her mask started to fall down, and she knew she had to flee… as fast as possible.

Steve had seen her weak and vulnerable like no one else before. She couldn't hide from him, not anymore. Yet, she didn't know how to deal with him… He was the most trustworthy person in the world, but she had never learned how to fully trust anyone. He deserved someone better…

 _Goodbye_ , she thought, walking away before saying, "Be careful, Steve."  _Be safe, don't die_.

She left, pretending to be perfectly fine as always, but after she was at a safe distance, a silent teardrop streamed down her face – she didn't know where to hide.

The thing about cemeteries, however, was that there were tears everywhere, and no one would really pay attention to hers. There was a leafy tree in front of her, and its branches looked as inviting as a warm embrace.

Leaning there, she summoned her last strength to hold back the emotions that were flooding through her heart.

_What's wrong with me?_

Thinking back, she remembered her tears for Fury. In the shadowed world in which they used to live, both spies knew they could rely on each other, in their twisted idea of family – the orphan redhead didn't remember having one before.

Other than her ex-husband, Alexi Shostakov, Natalia Alianovna Romanova had never missed anyone. It had been an arranged marriage, a fake union that had ended with his staged dead. Yet, the acclaimed Soviet hero had been her first attempt to find affection and she had mourned him. As planned by the Red Room, she had formally joined the secret K.G.B. academy to honor his death, becoming one of their top operatives – the first Black Widow. Shaped by deception, the young and inexperienced Natasha had learned the toughest lesson that would define her future relationships, " _Love is for children_."

That concept had been strongly reinforced when she had met him again, years later, as the Red Guardian – ironically, the Russian response for Captain America. Not only had Alexi tried to kill her, but he had also mocked her feelings. " _A Russian woman is always ruled by her heart. Even one who hides her heart beneath a sheath of ice_."

It had been a cruel maneuver to throw her off her game, but she had known all the tricks. The answer she had given to him, however, was the thing ripping her apart now. " _I hide nothing. My heart died long ago_."

Yes, it did. So why was she feeling so miserable? Why was it so hard to fight back tears now?

Once again, Natasha's world had changed totally. S.H.I.E.L.D. had ended officially, but probably it would continue with another name, in another place. As Fury had said, they had to keep fighting.

Even so, especially after the exposition before the United States Senate, she was too compromised to simply follow her old mentor.

" _You need us_ ", the Black Widow had dared the authorities – they were the Avengers after all.

With that bold statement, the spy had publicly stood by Captain Rogers' side, assuming her place within the Earth's Mightiest Heroes – standing on the side of angels, despite her dark past. Although, without her covers, she didn't know who she was anymore, or where she truly belonged. Secretly, she was… terrified.

_What am I scared of?_

Not of starting over – far from it, as Natasha had said to Loki. " _Regimes fall every day. I tend not to weep over that. I am Russian, or I was._ "

If there was a word to define Natasha Romanoff, it was adaptability – she could deal with any situation, improvise, and still come out on top.

For sure, she didn't fear super-villains, not even the arrogant psychopathic alien, who had called her 'mewling quim'. With her gifted intellect and master manipulation skills, the Black Widow had tricked the Trickster, easily unveiling his evil intentions.

" _Loki means to unleash the Hulk._ " She had left the demigod perplexed, hearing her last words, " _Thank you, for your cooperation_."

Unfortunately, the god of Mischief had ended up succeeding in his plan. And that was one of the few times the spy had truly feared death – being chased down by the uncontrolled Hulk on the Helicarrier.

Also frightening for her had been when the Winter Soldier had shot her for the second time. Their first encounter, five years ago near the city of Odessa, Ukraine, had already left her with a scar.

This time, she had been one of the assassin's targets, and Natasha had known she wouldn't have survived if Steve hadn't come to save her.

Still, these instances had just been part of her daily job – challenges that she had to face since day one. That's why she couldn't afford to be afraid of dying.

Above all, the Black Widow was a survivor.

However, when they were being buried alive in Zola's lab, things had been… different.

As he had done countless times before, the Captain had put her needs first, protecting her between his super-soldier body and his unbreakable shield. In a superhuman effort, he had endured the incredible amount of pressure from the building collapsing above them.

Despite feeling the imminence of death, Natasha had known that Steve would have kept her safe, at any cost. Even so, before passing out, an unbearable fear had taken hold of her – unexpectedly, the spy had feared for the soldier's life.

But why had she felt that way?

Strangely enough, just the idea of Steve's death had made Natasha feel… lonely.

But that didn't make any sense… All her life, Natasha had been a cold woman and, therefore, solitary.

During the illusion of her marriage, she and Alexei didn't have any real connection, other than what had been established by the Russian government. And after becoming officially a widow, her three choices of lovers couldn't have been more damaged.

While still a trainee in the Red Room, she had an affair with one of her instructors, Yakov, a brainwashed assassin.

During the time that she had defected from Russia, she had partnered with the Daredevil, a vigilante with destructive behaviors and womanizing habits.

Her last disastrous experience had been with Hercules, a member of a team she had led on the West Coast, also another notorious ladies' man.

Those flawed relationships hadn't been coincidences, but her easy way to stay detached – safe – in a frail attempt to fulfill the basic needs of intimacy. Yet, despite her exterior coldness, she had ended up being hurt. The redhead had learned another tough lesson – not to mix business with pleasure – and that part of her life was kept hidden from everyone.

A few years ago, forced to work back with the Red Room, the Black Widow had crossed paths with Hawkeye, and her lonely life started to change.

" _Agent Barton was sent to kill me. He made a different call._ "

Once a reluctant criminal, the archer had been recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. because of his unique abilities – a very keen eyesight, and a virtually unerring accuracy. Marveled by the Russian spy's also unparalleled skills, he had spared her life, offering her a chance to work for the good guys.

Former antagonists, the marksman and the super-spy had ended up learning how to be partners, establishing a strong bond that later had become true friendship.

" _I owe him a debt_."

Although they had worked together on several occasions, by definition, both Hawkeye and the Black Widow hadn't been exactly team players.

That had worked perfect for Nick Fury, who always had like to keep things compartmentalized. 

" _Agent Romanoff is comfortable with everything_." The director of S.H.I.E.L.D. found in the Russian spy, someone with the same ambiguous morality as himself. _She doesn't care about anything… or anyone_.

Hidden underneath this reputation, Natasha remained by herself. 

" _I work better alone_."

That had been her reality…

Until Captain America had been thawed…

Since they had first met, the super-soldier had been a mystery the spy couldn't decipher. 

Natasha Romanoff could label all men, except Steve Rogers – he defied definition and, for that reason, intrigued her. While everybody had fancied the living legend, she had tried to understand the man from the past – a much more complex fish-out-of-water than she had been when she had come from Russia. 

Steve was simply too good to be true, a walking cliché, except that everything he did was true and real. He was the first straight man who seemed immune to her charms – not once had a man failed to check her out before. Even so, the old-fashioned man knew how to treat and respect her… as a woman. 

Deep inside, she found him the peak of human perfection… irresistible… Especially because of everything he stood for – goodness, honesty, and morality – everything she wasn't.

While leading the Avengers to save New York, Captain America had relied on the Black Widow to have his back, to be his partner. " _You and me, we stay here on the ground. We keep the fighting here._ " 

That had been an unexpected proof of confidence, and they had worked in perfect synchrony. Most surprisingly, their connection had been instantaneous, since the very beginning – with just one look, he had trusted her completely.

The Avengers had become a team, changing her life forever…

Suddenly, the Captain had joined S.H.I.E.L.D. and Fury had paired the soldier and the spy together.

The world's most distant loner had the perfect man in her life. The scariest part was that Natasha enjoyed it… Steve.

The deadly assassin didn't want to be alone… not anymore.

During these past two years, they had established a well-oiled working relationship that had turned into a more intimate friendship. Unfortunately, without S.H.I.E.L.D., they weren't partners anymore and she sadly realized she had lost him. Even worse, with her secrets out and her dark past exposed, she was sure he wouldn't want to be anywhere near her.

The irony was that the Black Widow was tired of lies, but she didn't know how to be real… like Captain America.

Natasha was anything but nice… she wasn't a nice woman, especially in the sense of what he needed… or deserved. As a moth attracted to a flame, the Russian spy knew that she would burn herself if she got too close to the American hero's bright light.

Steve was absolutely off-limits.

That's why she had been throwing him to other women and why she was running from him right now.

Sadly, she couldn't be this close to anyone. Everything about the Black Widow was classified. The legend created around her was that any man interesting enough to earn her attention, to be captured by her web, didn't survive to tell the story – that was her curse. Hiding behind this fame, she had been safe, but definitely lonely.

This was a cover she had never intended to blow… until Steve.

The redhead had resisted the temptation until she couldn't take it anymore… 

 _I kissed him_.

Natasha hadn't been able to miss that unique opportunity. Captain America was too recognizable to go undercover. Beneath the dorky disguise he was still " _a specimen_ ", as the computer store's clerk had attested about her 'fiancée' – that had been corny, but she couldn't resist making Steve blush.

In the middle of the chaos and adrenaline rush, Natasha had taken the chance. There had been a perfectly valid excuse for the kiss, and she had tried to make it look as meaningless as possible. She had restrained herself to not surrender to the softness of his lips, inviting and tempting her to deepen the kiss. The super spy could lie about anything anywhere to anyone, but she couldn't lie to herself – she had kissed him for real, and it had been enough to fulfill her most secret dreams.

Steve had been so warm… Although he had kissed her back – yes, he did, and that made her need to run even more urgent – he hadn't been into the kiss like she had, like she had expected him to be.

Trying to fool herself, she had pondered,  _"Everybody needs practice."_

It would be so much easier if the awkwardness of their kiss had been because of inexperience. The perfect man should be inaccessible, right?

 _Damn, Natalia, when did you become so naive_?

" _It was not my first kiss since 1945_ ," he had told her, " _I'm 95, I'm not dead_."

That hadn't been a lie, she had known it… So…  _Who had he kissed before_?  _Where_? 

Filling her mind with scenarios, she thought about his file and what he had done after being thawed and before the Avengers. The time he had in between. The time when they weren't partners… friends. That was the best way to keep her mind busy, while avoiding the simple question she couldn't bear to ask herself. 

_Why didn't he kiss me, the way I… wanted him to?_

The answer was so painfully obvious…

By pretending to set him up with a date, she had been building up a profile of his ideal woman… and she didn't fill any of the requirements. None of her attempts to tease him had incited the reaction she had expected, wanted, dreamed. Underneath his polite demeanor, he seemed uninterested… in her.

 _He didn't want to kiss… me… because he doesn't want me. He doesn't like me_ … 

How could he? Natasha was everything that was bad – a killer, a liar, a disguise within a disguise.

Her offer had almost been a plea, " _Who do you want me to be?"_

But his answer had thrown her hopes away, " _How about a friend?"_

For once Natasha wished Steve was like any other ordinary man, who would take advantage of her at the first chance.

Tears threatened to fall again as she remembered how open and needy she had been back at Sam's place.

Open… Well, undeniably, the super-soldier was the most perfect male specimen ever… She had been about to jump him if the Falcon hadn't come to offer breakfast or whatever.

That was why she needed to keep her distance, to flee as far as she could. Next to him, she almost didn't recognize herself, and the Black Widow couldn't be so unbalanced because of… a man.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, mentally analyzing the path ahead of her.

 _Focus_.

Her car was nearby. She just needed to avoid the crowd and she would be fine.

When Natasha finally moved, her legs were shaking, and she stumbled. But before anything could happen, a strong hand grabbed her arm, carefully supporting her. Immediately, her body started to quiver – she couldn't control it – because she recognized the powerful grip.

 _Steve_. He was the only one who had never been afraid to touch her. Truly, he didn't even ask permission.

Since the first time when he had shielded her from a blast during the battle in New York, he simply had continued to save her, whenever it had been needed. Like when he had picked her up, effortlessly carrying her around, to flee from Batroc's explosive on board of the Lemurian Star.

Natasha couldn't deny it – she felt safe in the Captain's strong arms.

When the Winter Soldier had been shooting at them, on top of Sam's car, the spy hadn't hesitated to jump into the soldier's lap, holding him close. No doubt, he would always keep her unharmed, between his body and shield, as he did when they had escaped from the uncontrolled car before it had overturned.

With his 40s upbringing, Steve had the perfect balance between the macho and the gentleman that no men today have – the answer to Natasha's most hidden desires. Calling her Nat, he bossed her around while none of the other agents even dared to talk to her. He had never been afraid of her – on the contrary, he was so used to her, that none of these things ever seemed to be an issue for him… as it was for her. He was the only one who ever made her feel normal… human… a woman.

Feeling betrayed by her and displaying an unprecedented anger, he hadn't hesitated, throwing her against the wall in the hospital, demanding answers. Unexpectedly, she hadn't been upset… at all. On the contrary, his forcefulness had made her heart jump… inciting hidden feelings. She couldn't resist but show him her scar, teasing, " _Bye-bye, bikinis_."

Seemingly impervious to her charms, the Captain didn't miss a beat, " _Yeah, I bet you look terrible in them now_." 

No surprise she had found a pretext to kiss him later…

Then, after the attack at the Army camp, she had awakened in his powerful arms… She had fought hard to not melt realizing her hero had been carrying her for miles, and still had refused to let her go.

The Black Widow had never allowed anyone else to manhandle her that way – no one in good conscience would dare. Except him. The Captain acted almost as if he owned her… and the spy never did anything to stop him. That was what scared her the most… she liked it.

Drawing her out of her troubled thoughts, Steve asked gently, "Nat, are you okay?"

Natasha couldn't bring herself to look at him and answer that simple question. All she wanted was to melt in his arms… and that was why she needed to disappear.


	4. The Best We Can Do Is To Start Over

The Arlington National Cemetery wasn't too crowded that day. Even so, the Captain couldn't run – he didn't want to attract too much attention or risk being recognized. He walked a little faster than usual and, in no time, he found the spy's car in the parking lot.

Steve's mind was in a whirlwind.

Sam's question was pounding in his heart, "What makes you happy?"

And the answer he couldn't say out loud, _Natasha. She makes me feel alive_.

She was… special. Yes, too special.

The most beautiful woman in the world who, beyond a doubt, knew how to push his buttons, making him lose control… A walking enigma that had make him feel like a young private again. Something that hadn't happened before.

Chronologically 95 years old, he had lived through 29 – he wasn't inexperienced or naive. He was definitely not dead. Still, there were many lines he never dared to cross, many rules he couldn't bring himself to break… until Natasha.

Thinking about his life over the past years, and in this present era, the soldier couldn't lie to himself – the Russian spy had been the light in it. With her dry humor and unpredictability she was everything he wasn't and yet, everything he deeply desired. She had awakened the dormant part of him in a way that no one had done before, giving him hope of finding happiness.

It was foolish to think that he needed someone else's help to admit his feelings for her.

The Falcon had been absolutely right – the Captain wouldn't forgive himself if he didn't try at least to talk to her… he needed to know for sure. Still, the intrepid superhero was terrified. It was easier to face an army from outer space than that petite redhead.

He stood by her car, waiting… hoping… But once she didn't appear, he got worried.

Walking back, he surveyed the area looking for her bright red hair and was relieved when he spotted her, just behind a tree not too far away. Drawing close, he slowed down, uncertain.

_What am I doing? She's gonna kick my ass so fast…_

However, at that moment, he became alarmed when he realized that she was… distressed.

As had happened many times before, Natasha had turned his world upside down – the man-with-a-plan was at a loss as to what to do. But when she started to move, a little unsteadily, his protective instincts took charge.

Quickly he was by her side, gently stopping her from falling. "Nat, are you okay?"

Steve's voice was firm and yet, worried – quite comforting like his strong grip on her arm. Natasha couldn't look at him, not like this, but it was as if he knew it.

Pulling her close to him, he treated her with the same attention he had when the spy had had a gunshot wound to her shoulder – after Maria Hill had rescued them.

The redhead didn't struggle. Instead, she laid her head on his toned warm chest, resting in the comfort of his arms, trying to ease her breathing. It was too tempting to be this relaxed, but also extremely dangerous. After a short while, she straightened up, pulling away from him.

Noticing her uneasiness, he said reassuringly, "When I woke up, my whole world was gone. This time will be easier. We will find our place. We're partners after all, right?" Tentatively, he gave her a soft smile, but she couldn't bring herself to reply. "You're not alone, Nat. I know how you feel," he added kindly.

When she finally looked back at him, her green eyes were blank. Like the Russian winter, she had closed herself in an implacable coldness.

Her voice was nothing but a murmur, "You don't know me, Rogers. Not everything was in my file." Turning away, she looked at the graves, speaking bluntly, "There are probably people here… that I killed."

The harshness in her words, however, didn't match the fragility in her posture. It was the same defensive mechanism she had used in the hospital – he recognized it, remembering how much he had wanted to hold her at that painful moment. Decided he wouldn't let her push him away, not this time, he stood behind her, close enough for them to feel the heat radiating from each other's bodies.

Then, he admitted melancholically, "I met a lot of soldiers that are buried here. Too many died under my command."

"It's not the same as killing them." Natasha's voice was emotionless, under control, but she couldn't fool the super-soldier's enhanced senses – underneath her seemly impenetrable sheath of ice, her blood was boiling and her heart was pounding.

"No, it's not. But if we go to any military cemetery in Germany, it will be." The somber pain in his voice was an absolute contrast to the warmth of his body. He placed his hand softly on her arm pulling her to him, whispering, "We are not so different."

Surprised, Natasha looked at Steve. This was a side of the Captain that she hadn't thought about before – the hero for some, but the foe for others. And there he was, exposing himself to her, in an unexpected show of trust – something the Black Widow wasn't used to receiving.

Gently, he took her hand, leading her to the parking area, "Let's get out of here."

Standing by his motorcycle, he asked, "Should we get something to eat?"

It was more a statement than an invitation, but somehow she couldn't say no. "My car…"

"Don't worry, we'll pick it up later," he said with an endearing smile.

It was a balmy spring afternoon, just perfect for a motorcycle ride.

Too many emotions were crowding her heart, but she had to control her hands, while having her arms wrapped around his chiseled torso. He was an excellent driver, ever the gentleman, so there were no brusque movements that could force her to grab him more firmly… unfortunately.

He took her to a cozy cafe, not so far from there.

After shaking hands with a man behind the counter, Steve led Natasha through a stairway, up to a private balcony, overlooking a park. There was a large two-seater with a small coffee table, surrounded by flowers and plants, in a very intimate atmosphere.

Sheepishly, he smiled, "I come here when I visit Arlington. The owner's grandfather fought with me."

Captain America was used to finding WWII veterans and their families everywhere. It had never ceased to amuse Natasha how Steve would always be attentive and kind towards them all. The perfect hero carried himself as if he had been born to public office. Sitting by her side, however, he looked almost uneasy, and the super spy didn't have a clue as to why.

"No one will bother us here," he explained, and offered her the menu, "What are you up for?"

It was past noon and neither of them had eaten lunch yet, so she ordered a grilled salmon salad, and he picked a roast beef sandwich.

Reclining on the comfortable couch, with her feet propped on a bench, she found herself relaxed, admiring how young he looked as he remembered his childhood friend. Between a few beers and lots of food, he told her a bunch of funny war stories, and ended up telling her about the pranks he and Bucky used to play on each other.

After the last few chaotic days, this was a great change of mood.

Suddenly, it began to bother her how much she enjoyed his company.

Falling back to her alert status, she tried to read him.

"So, do you need my help to find the… Barnes?"

Steve stopped, uncomfortable with the insinuation, "No. Well, yes, I do. But that's not… He tried to kill you twice, I wouldn't ask you…"

"What do you want, Rogers?"

 _You_.

A question so simple that made him admit a truth hidden deep in his heart. Quickly, he averted his eyes, afraid that she could read the revealing answer stamped on his face.

But once she had entered into her interrogatory mood, there was no coming back. "Why are we here?"

Honesty, always his best choice. "I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine."

Genuinely concerned, he insisted, "Where are you going to stay? Is it safe?"

"You have got to be kidding me."

"With your past exposed, aren't you afraid that enemies would come after you?"

"If you read my file carefully, you should have seen that they will run from me." In her full Black Widow voice, she warned, "And so should you."

He sighed disappointed, "Nat, I just want to help you."

Narrowing her eyes, she replied sharply, "I don't need anything from you, Rogers."

The direct rejection hit him hard, and there was one explanation he couldn't avoid, not anymore. "I know." He straightened up, and started to get ready to leave. "I got it, okay? I know I'm not him. I left him a message but he didn't call me back."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

He tried to justify himself, "Barton. I called him for you."

She wasn't expecting his defeated reaction, much less this answer, and asked puzzled, "Why?"

Her confusion caught him off guard, and he replied ashamed, "You two are… He's your…"

"Why are you talking about Hawkeye?"

"Because you wear his necklace, the arrow."

He looked away, feeling like the silliest man on Earth.

"What?" She put her hand on her neck, "How do you know? Why do you care?"

 _Because I notice everything about you_. He searched for an escape, but there was none. "I saw it," he replied disconcertedly.

Sizing him up as if reading an open book, she gave him the same look and answer from the hospital, "You're still a terrible liar."

He drew a sharp breath, but couldn't bring himself to reply.

"Clint gave it to me, a long time ago. What does it have to do with anything?"

"It's a meaningful gift, isn't it?" There was an extra coldness in his voice.

Amused, she said, "He saved my life. We're friends."

The tension in his body was almost as if he was getting ready to battle, and he turned to her, complaining almost as if they were in the midst of a lover's spat, "A woman doesn't wear a man's symbol unless…"

Immediately, she cut him off, "I wear anything I want, as long as it matches with my outfit…"

He was very uncomfortable, and the signs were too clear for Natasha to ignore – although the truth they unveiled was everything she needed to avoid. Steve's feelings for her had grown to the point that he was feeling jealousy over her. Suddenly, his always respectful distance made all the sense in the world.

Without realizing, she smiled mischievously, "So, you thought I was with Clint?"

"I'm sorry, I made a wrong assumption." He grabbed his beer and drank it.

She burst into laughter, "That's why I got a message from him, asking if I was dying or drunk. He hates to be interrupted during a mission."

Once again, the spy's mockery drove the soldier crazy. Totally past hiding, he sounded nothing but accusatory, "But he obviously must have some kind of interest, otherwise he wouldn't have given it to you."

There it was, the same tone and posture he'd had at the hospital, as if he owned her.

Although she couldn't admit it to herself yet, she was concerned with Steve's feelings and wanted him to understand it all. "It's a Native American token. Two parallel arrows in opposite directions mean war. Crossed mean friendship. He offered me the chance to be friend or enemy." Shaking her head in disbelief, she explained, "Anyway, it also means protection, and direction. He wants me to find my safe path, like he did."

Processing her words, Steve remained silent, so she gave him the final piece of information, "Do you know Bobbi Morse, Agent 19? They're married."

He stared at her, absolutely shocked, "Married? I didn't know… I thought…"

"Only a few people know it. It's a dangerous business we work in. It's better to keep our private lives, private," she finished, raising an eyebrow.

Her answer caused him all sorts of mixed feelings. It was more than a relief that he wasn't betraying his friend and team-member, even if only in thought. Thinking back, it became clear for the soldier that the archer's behavior towards the spy had always been that of a protector, not a lover. It also meant that Steve had read all the signs wrongly.

 _What else am I missing_?

Not sure about what he wanted to hear, he asked, "Are you secretly involved too? Anyone special?"

She couldn't help but chuckle, "Me? No way."

Sitting side by side, they finished their drinks, thinking about everything that they had just shared, and its powerful meaning.

After an awkward silence, she questioned, almost kindly, "But why are you suddenly interested in my personal life?"

"Why are you always trying to set me up with someone?" His reply was quite harsh, but his voice was back to his normal gentle tone.

Tilting her head, she gave up, "Fair enough."

He shrugged his shoulders, "That's not an answer."

"Neither was yours."

A few more moments passed before he took a deep breath and started, "I was just thinking… I wonder… I understand, I'm your charity-friend, you want to fix me."

Frowning, she replied, "No, I don't… I don't want to fix you."

"Well, that kind of sounded like that was what you were doing." He gave her a half smile.

Remembering their talk in that stolen car, she smirked, "What do you want, Steve?"

That was it. There was no turning back, he couldn't hide or flee anymore. He didn't want to.

Looking straight at her, he said sincerely, "I want to ask you out."

The one answer Natasha could've never anticipated, yet, now that she heard it, she realized it was the one she had so secretly desired.

She gasped, "What?"

He was fully exposed, "I should've asked a long time ago. Do you want to go out with me?"

Like in the car, she wasn't detached but somewhat defeated, "Wrong business again."

Watching her closely, he pushed, "Okay, I understand you're not interested…"

Her distant words didn't match the plea in her stunning eyes. "You don't want to be around me, Steve."

For a moment he paused, thinking about everything that had happened between them, what she had done before, and what she was saying now. Finally, realization hit him – she wasn't rejecting him but herself. His posture changed completely, and he leaned a little, putting his arm on the couch, behind her. Gazing at her deeply, he smiled confidently, "You don't know what I want, Natasha."

His close presence was too intoxicating and she looked down, speechless.

Peggy's wise words came to his mind, ' _The world has changed and none of us can go back. All we can do is our best, and sometimes the best we can do is to start over_.' 

Inspired, he said, "Do you remember the woman in that photo you asked about? Her name is Margaret Carter and she helped Howard Stark to create S.H.I.E.L.D. She's the only friend I have left from that time, but now she's 94."

"I'm sorry, Steve. Was she your girlfriend?"

"No… no. That's the thing, we didn't have a chance. We only shared one kiss."

It was Natasha's turn to be flooded with mixed emotions. Her lonely green eyes locked into his hopeful blue ones.

Opening his heart, Steve took her hand, "I can't let that story repeat, not with you, Nat."

Her lips parted in an open invitation, but she still tried to protect herself, replying, "You don't want me."

This time, however, he wasn't feeling rejected. Now, he understood her distance.

His smile was contagious and his eyes shone with excitement, "Since that first day on the Helicarrier, I've never wanted anyone like I want you." The depth of his words and the emotion that they conveyed exposed a breach in her ice armor, and he dove in, "I want more than one kiss, Nat."

The always snarky spy was at a loss of words, "But… you didn't… kiss me back…"

Confused, he frowned. "I did. And you said it was bad."

"I mean… you didn't want to kiss… me."

"Because it wasn't for real," he shook his head no, "It was a scam." There was a mix of hope and fear in his voice as he asked, "You didn't feel anything… did you?"

Natasha was stunned. He was truly the most honest and real man in the entire universe. His answer was so simply obvious that it hit her like a bullet, shattering her last remaining walls. Her vulnerability was the most breathtaking thing ever…

Remembering Sams words, Steve confessed shyly, "I'm scared too… But you have to trust me. I'll never hurt you." Before she could think or even react, his hand slid firmly around her back, drawing her to him. Gently, he raised her chin, before saying charmingly, "And I always wanted to kiss you, Nat."

There were countless ways for her to escape, if only her body hadn't betrayed her so quickly, melting entirely in his strong arms. All her internal alarms were screaming.

He was too handsome, too close… She was fighting to keep her brain functioning… until… leaning a little closer, he kissed her forehead, softly, then her left temple. Caressing her with his lips, he made her thoughts and fears disappear. Willingly, she let herself be carried away by the tenderness of his lips traveling to her cheek, and the warmness of his breath upon her ear.

Natasha's chest was heaving, her breathing was becoming even more erratic, as he whispered seductively, "But I wanted it to be for real."

His deep blue eyes searched her beautiful green ones, asking permission.

The ice fortress crumbled altogether – she had no words, no more lies to tell, not the slightest desire to hide or flee. To top it all off, there was an unknown feeling… that she could only relate to the acceptance of the inevitability of defeat, except that it felt more like the epiphany of victory. Despite being completely exposed, defenseless, for the first time in her whole life, Natasha Romanoff was feeling entirely safe by being at the mercy of Steve Rogers.

Slowly, she blinked in consent, and then… he kissed her.

His lips were gentle, but firm, perfectly demanding and she responded avidly. Wrapping her arms around him, she savored the way his fingers danced through her silky hair, caressing her face. Grabbing the nape of her neck, he pulled her close and she tilted her head, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Wanting to melt into him, she clung to his muscled body, relishing in the feeling of his arms possessively all around her.

There was nothing uncomfortable in his touch or his kiss – no hesitation this time. Steve claimed her mouth with passion, stealing her breath and weakening her bones.

Their lungs were crying for air when they broke the kiss. Slightly panting, he rubbed his thumb on her lower lip, saying sheepishly, "I wanted it to be special… like you."

She brightened, and he'd never seen her so happy.

Smiling, he teased, "So… do I still need practice?"

He looked so cocky and irresistibly charming at the same time that she would have to kick his ass. Except that she didn't want to, not now.

"No…" she smiled, drawing him to her, "But I do."

Natasha's heart was alive.

The cold Winter had passed. It was time for Spring.

**Author's Note:**

> **1990 Marvel Graphic Novel Vol 1 #61 "The Coldest War"**  
>  " _You are a cold woman, Natalia_ …"  
> " _You think so, Alexi Petrovitch? Why did you marry me, then_?"  
>  " _For the same reason every true Russian loves the winter, Natalia Romanova Shostakova. For the Promise of Spring. Like a winter snow, your ballerina's frost seems to shelter a secret earthiness waiting for a thaw. Yet in all the time I've known you, I've barely glimpsed the fire beneath your ice. A man could freeze to death hoping to warm himself on your heart, Natasha_."
> 
>  
> 
>  **Author's Note** : About the dynamic between Steve & Natasha at Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Scarlett Johansson said: " _The chemistry is there, which is important. Just because they're not romantically involved doesn't mean that they're not still attracted to each other as people. I like that the door is open a little bit_."  
>  Having watching all Marvel's movies and The Nanny Diaries (which features Chris & Scarlett as the romantic couple), I couldn't resist it, I had to open that door completely!  
> Writing is my therapy, my way to unwind from the stress of the real life. But the best thing of writing here is to make new friends. Many thanks to all readers. I appreciate every single review. Feel free to comment in English, Portuguese or Spanish!  
> To write this story, I had the invaluable help of my fellow Romanogers friend and writer [Lovedrr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovedrr).  
> I hope you had enjoyed reading as much as I did writing! If you like them as I do, I invite you to check my [Chris Crush](http://archiveofourown.org/works/910382/chapters/1763341) series!  
> xxoo Mari
> 
>  **Update** : May, 2016 - I've been struggling with writer's block due to health issues and I can't thank you enough for your support and patience. Your messages keep me going and I hope you enjoy the new images! 
> 
> **References & Images**: Marvel Comics and Movies - The Avengers (2012) and Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014), The Nanny Diaries (2007).  
>  **Captain America and the Falcon #7** (2004) - [Steve Rogers] The timing couldn't possibly be worse… [Sam Wilson] You know, I just figured something about you… You stink at problems you can't solve with your fists. Steve… do you have feelings for her?  
>  **Black Widow – Deadly Origin** (2010) – Natasha Romanoff's background.  
>  **Graphic Novel Vol 1 #61 "The Coldest War"** (1990) - [Alexi Shostakov] A Russian woman is always ruled by her heart. Even one who hides her heart beneath a sheath of ice. [Natalia Romanova] I hide nothing. My heart died long ago.


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